Something Dad Said

So, a couple years ago Dad and I were out fishing.  It was on a back retention pond, quiet little spot on the outskirts of the neighborhood.  Close to people, but not, you know?

And, and sons tend to do, I started wining to my Dad about stuff.  Of course, I was about 40, older than he was when I left home, so I should already have all this stuff figured out.  I'm "an adult," and raising my own children.

One thing in particular that has bothered me for a very long time, especially since I have tried on many occasions to make myself better at it, is remembering names.  I once was great at recalling faces, but names? nope.

Dad said: "You don't remember people because they aren't important to you."

At least, that's was I remember the words being.  I am certain they were more like:  "People's names don't matter very much to you.  If they were really important to you and the things you want in life, you would remember them."  Something a little less abrupt.

Basically, the same thing.

So, what's the problem and why do I think on this statement every single day, but continue to fail to recall a single name?

People are important.  In fact, people are all important.  Sure, had I lived 300 years ago I would have been a hermit.  But how many hermits do you hear about?  Did hermits change the world?  Make it a better place?  Create castles of security and success for their children?  Since they shunned people, they were unable to participate in the resources of the people in general.  Unable to help with the change.  In order to change things, it takes people.

Thoreau did a wonderful thing, out on the pond.  He sat and thought.  He wrote down what he was thinking.  But, had he not had visitors out to the cabin, his book wouldn't have been a book.  His visitors carried his message.  They readied the world for the book.  Thoreau's thoughts would have died with him, had he not had the help of people.

Same with Jesus.  He absolutely needed those disciples to carry the message.

Same with Confucius.  And Aristotle, Socrates, and Plato.  Heck, Plato ended up being known for hundreds of years by his teacher.  Even dead he relies on the authority of Socrates.  Silly, because Socrates died at 70 and Plato at 80. In theory Plato had even more time to spread his messages.

So, I Should remember names.  If I am going to leave a legacy and help my children grow greater than I have, I need people.

And yet,...

Dad was right.  I think a lot about great big things.  Where God would hide. (He's in chance, by the way.) Where language comes from and how to make a single one.  How to allow for tactile interaction across space, hopefully eliminating the automobile.  Ridiculous things, really. Dad was right: people don't factor into thoughts like these.  At least, not at the granular, individual person level.

How do I fix this?  I know the physical processes that support thought have started to decline for me.  So I missed my window of creation for placing modular assemblies on the moon or the ocean floor.  Of course, I could have done those things: but it would have taken people.  Lots of people.  A nation of people.

My advice: learn Persons.  People change over time, but it is the individuals the make the change.

I'm going to, once again, improve my ability to retain and recall the names of the people I meet every day.  And I am going to work on faces this time, too.

Late to the show

Remember when you were a kid and were late to something?  Like a birthday party, or the picking of the teams, or maybe even a little late to lunch?  All the discussion had already started and playing catchup was hard.  Sometimes you felt like you would never catch up.

I feel that way today.  I know, I know.  There are a lot of things that I have accomplished and I am a far cry away from where I started.  And yet, there are days that I feel behind.

I've been thinking about this.  This, and judgement.  About judgement: remember when you where a kid and were caught off guard by something?  Something a teacher or parent or other grownup said about another kid?  Like how that kid did something great? Something you were usually praised about?  And there would be that anticipation when you waited to hear if your name would come up as being better then that other kid?  But your name didn't come up?

So, you started the comparison game to see how you stacked up?  Yeah, judgement.

When I think of both "Being Late" and "Stacking Up", I get depressed.  I actually know why I get depressed, and I think others will agree with me:  because I want.  I want to be worthy of the good attention, I want to be remembered and thought of when I am not around, I want to know that I can trust who I am will live long after what I am is gone.  I want.

The trouble is that wanting is generally some piece of something greater, or some aspect of a future state.  It gets difficult to describe in common English, here, which might be showing how we Americans deal with the nature of Becoming Better.

How do I fight the depression?  I don't know.  I don't think I can avoid judgement and comparison.  Those two elements seem to be animal coded into mammals.  I am not sure about reptiles, but I do see similar behavior in birds.  It is just a part of being alive.  I might be able to fight "Being Late", as time appears to be a human construct.  At least, the sense that time exists differently for different people based on experiences.

I think it comes down to a single Need.  We (not just me this time, but we) need a Goal.  Something to work toward in common.  Something we agree to call "good" or at least better than today.  That's what I think today.